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April 2006

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Long time no update..

So it's almost been a year since i updated this thing...Lol a lot has happened but I rather not talk about the past. Still I love Mike. I always will...

You think you understand love but I dont sometimes..why was I so stupid to ever leave him in the first place when my heart stayed with him. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I knew it ..I guess I just wanted to be needed and for someone to tell me no Laura I wont let you go I love you...just like some stupid fairytale. I felt like we drifted apart..and it hurt me to talk to you..I wanted everything to get better when I didnt think it would..stupid long distance..But here I am spilling out my heart to you because you're the one I truely love and would give anything to be with you. I think about you all the time and when I think about how I hurt myself I'm ashamed of myself. I thought it would make the pain go away and would make things better and to show that I'm a human..But now I deal with pain ans stress a lot better because you're in my life( well actually you are). Everything when out of control and like you promised you'd be there for me and put me back together again when I needed you the most. I wouldnt be here if it wasn't for you. The nights I held that razor in my hand thinking things wouldn't get any better and how much I fucked up my life because I was selfish, I put it up to my wrist then feel so sick and think no...He wouldnt want this..I dont want him to deal with this..then I'd get sick and lay down and cry..God I've felt so fucking psycho and I dont want to seem like that at all..My head was all fucked with and in everyway I wasn't stable..But now because of you I found myself again..Thank you for loving me and being my everything..When I say I love you more I mean it because you've saved my life..

Yea now I'm crying over a stupid journal entry...


I love you more than anything and I always will. FOREVER! Sorry but you're stuck with me.

Comments

I know I'm a fuck up and I'm sorry; I've been acting stupid and probably shouldn't be saying anything right now but I just want you I'm going crazy and it's only been like 20 minutes since I made you angry I love you and I always will. I'll always be around if you want/need me.

I'm sorry Laura.